Easy Does It

I am a 42yo gay man, a very amateur photographer in recovery.


My Life, Living with HIV and Living Clean in New York City.

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Posts regarding addiction (articles I have found; my opinions; my own experiences as a recovering addict)

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    42 posts tagged Love Addict

    #1. Coming to the door to pick someone up.
    I think we’ve all had it with the incredibly unromantic “here” text, and meeting up always seems to be more casual and platonic than the alternative. Of course, meeting someone from online or any circumstance like that would probably be the exception to this rule, but generally: the 30 seconds it takes to get out of a car or cab and knock on the door makes a huge difference.

    #2. Trying to dress really nicely for a date.
    “Nicely” means different things for different people, so I think it’s just a matter of putting effort into how you put yourself together to go out with someone. It’s not about wearing suits and petticoats again, but just realizing that, whether or not we like to accept it, appearance does count for something, and we should do our best to make sure that our appearance says something about us, in whatever way we’d like it to.

    #3. Bringing flowers or other tokens of affection to the first date.
    Now, many lucky ladies (and some men) I know get this regularly, and in fact, I have myself as well, but only ever with people I’d been dating for a while. I think there’s something to be said for bringing flowers to the door on your first date. It’s become uncool because it’s forward and it’s a gesture that confirms their interest, but we should definitely get past that idea and worry more about how we’re going to let someone know we really do care and appreciate that they want to spend time with us.

    #4. Going dancing that’s not grinding on a grimy club floor.
    Whatever happened to this? Dancing for the sake of dancing, like fun, not essentially sex on a dance floor dancing. What’s a better way to literally shake off nerves than seeing them bust a really dorky move on a dance floor? And the art of slow dancing has generally been lost, though I’ve been one to do it in my living room with my slightly coerced significant other, and I’ll tell you he’s said on numerous occasions it ended up being one of the most romantic nights we had together.

    #5. Straightforwardly asking someone out and not calling it “hanging out.”
    Or, as is very popular these days, “talking.” “Oh, we’re just… talking.” As in, seeing one another and speaking frequently as to get to know each other? So… dating? We’ve found these really convenient ways to skirt around the issue of having to put our hearts on the line, but honestly, it just ends up being messy and confusing for all parties involved. There’s no need to go back to the idea of courting or anything, unless you want to, but simply being direct about whether or not you’d like to go on a date with someone is a truly lost art, one that really shouldn’t be.

    #6. Additionally, being clear about when you’re “going steady.”
    Oh, the awkward, “so… are we… you know… what are we?” talk. Classic. We should go back to asking one another if the other person would like to “go steady” or something. There’s something about asking them if they’d like to rather than assuming that you are or aren’t anything that’s just very cute, in my opinion.

    #7. Romantic gestures like writing poems.
    Writing poems may not be for you, I know mine would look something like “Roses are red, violets are blue, I hate poetry but I love you.” I literally just made that up thank you please quote me when you inevitably post that gem on Tumblr. But seriously, like a handwritten letter in the mail or just surprising them with something you made even if it looks like the macaroni necklace you made when you were 5 is cute just because you tried and were thinking of them.

    #8. Turning electronics off and just being with one another.
    I’m not sure there is anything worse than the person who picks up their phone and starts staring at it in the middle of dinner, or at any point while you’re together and having a conversation. I’m not anti-technology here (hello, I work for the Internet) but I am saying that there comes a time to turn it off and disconnect and remember what actually matters. People.

    #9. The general concept of asking permission for things.
    It used to be principle for people to say: oh, when can I see you? Or, when could I call you? Rather than just assuming they can at any point. But I think that old concept could be applied to our modern world by just assuming that, unless told otherwise, you should ask permission to you know, touch them anywhere, take them out, call them at a certain time, etc. Once you’re in a relationship these things usually don’t require asking anymore, but some do, especially when it comes to sexuality. I once knew a person who said that they asked permission before so much as touching a girl’s thigh, and that always stuck with me.

    #10. Not assuming sex is to be had at any point in time.
    Now, I’m certainly not saying it should go back to being a taboo that’s unspoken of, but we certainly shouldn’t expect it from someone on the third date, on the first date, because they’re being flirty, because you know they’re into you, or even because they agreed to go out with you. A date does not have to be a precursor to sex, and you shouldn’t be disappointed if it isn’t because you should never assume that it will be. It depends on the person you’re with and what they want to do.

    Credit: Kate Bailey from Thought Catalog

    What do you think, will these old-fashioned ways come back in style? If you liked these ideas, share them with your friends and family. Maybe one of them has a date this weekend!

    Story of my life #smh

    When I’m asked, ‘In case of an emergency, who should we contact?’ it’s your name I want to give.

    Christian Aviance (love quotes)

    I’m accepting applications.  Men preferred (sorry ladies).  

    I won’t pretend that I intend to stop living
    I won’t pretend I’m good at forgiving
    But I can’t hate you
    Although I have tried
    I still really really love you
    Love is stronger than pride
    I still really really love you

    I won’t pretend that I intend to stop living
    I won’t pretend I’m good at forgiving
    But I can’t hate you
    Although I have tried

    I still really really love you
    Love is stronger than pride
    I still really really love you
    Mm mm mm mm mm

    Sitting here wasting my time
    Would be like
    Waiting for the sun to rise
    It’s all too clear things come and go
    Sitting here waiting for you
    Would be like waiting for winter
    It’s gonna be cold
    There may even
    Be snow

    I still really really love you
    Love is stronger than pride
    I still really really love you
    Love is stronger
    I still really really love you
    Love is stronger than pride

    Sade - Love is Stronger than Pride

    and I stopped trying a long time ago

    (via ln-difference)

    Can I Get a Witness?!!

    Prince Charming doesn’t exist and I am no longer chasing that illusion of the perfect make that will make everything rainbows & unicorns forever.  However, I find myself faced with another need for a prince, Prince Confirming.  

    I have received many gifts in recovery one of which is a new found happiness and the acceptance of self.  The start of a brand new way to live without the use of drugs.  I set out on returning to school, finding a new home, getting a job, and reconnecting with true-friends and family.  Truly, I am generally happy everyday.  My problems (challenges) are luxury problems.   Suddenly, the momentum slowed on certain fronts.  

    Why, knowing that I am in a great place, would I slow the efforts on achieving goals that will keep in that great place?  Prince Confirming, that’s why!  There is this new need/want to have someone in my life to share this happiness with.  This happiness doesn’t not stem from having materialistic things or having some high social standing (I don’t have a large wallet and what others think of me is really none of my business).  It comes from having some peace; knowing that whatever happens I will be taken care of; knowing that I am loved and I have greater love for myself today.  It’s not a glitter parade everyday but I can get through anything especially if I don’t pickup a drug. 

    Am I really at peace? Why the stand still?

    Little by slowly, great things are happening in my life (staying clean is a daily miracle!!) and I want a witness.  Hmmm, first I said, “…someone in my life to share this happiness with,” and now it’s something else.  I am not on a desperate search for Prince Confirming, but recently I find myself dreaming of the guy that will be there to bear witness to my achievements, big or small.  So, I haveseemingly put stuff on the back burner waiting for Prince Confirming to come around so he can begin to observe it all coming together. This is totally self-centered thinking (look at me, praise me, YOU [not me] will show the world that I am not a fraud).  This is me wanting instant validation and gratification from something outside myself (addict behavior).  I wonder what color the horse Prince Confirming rides in on will be… anyway! What if he never shows up?!?

    Maybe because of recent events on the dating scene I suddenly have flipped into this mindset however, being aware of this now I can dig deeper what was my part in all of it.  I can step away from blaming the situation or the person but rather begin to look got the exact nature of this manifestation of Prince Confirming.  

    They say, “We can only keep what we have by giving it away.”  Recovery has taught me, by sharing how I have done it and what I continue to do to be happy, that my experience will benefits others.  

    Right now, I do know if I continue waiting for a witness, then I will never get to accomplishing anything but waiting.  The only person that I need to witness, allow, accept, and validate my successes and happiness is the man in the mirror.  

    Tell everyone you know: “My happiness depends on me, so you’re off the hook.” And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they’re doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel — and then, you’ll love them all. Because the only reason you don’t love them, is because you’re using them as your excuse to not feel good.

    Esther Hicks

    The love I seek is already within me… I need not search desperately for what had been bestowed upon me when I took my first breath.

    Christian Aviance

    Story of my life

    The is that never was…

    The is that never was the illusion of something beautiful my mind fooled myself into believing could ever be…

    The is that never was constructed following the blueprint of my heart’s design; the architect of my desires…

    The is that never was what my soul felt when we were together; what my spirit longed for, for so long; ….

    The is that never was in a stolen kiss good night, to lie with him and trace his form with my fingers, the thump of his heart; the synchronizing of our breath…

    The is that never was what it was the first day and what is not and could never be today…

    The is that never was the feelings have for him…

    The is that never was reciprocated; never was requited; never was him feeling the same.

    — Christian l’Aviance


    (via psych-facts)

    Good night… I would walk a thousand miles to look into his eyes, good night… to be moved by his smile, good night… to be pressed against his thigh, good night… I would walk another thousand miles to steal a kiss from him, Good Night.

    Christian L.

    David Levithan, The Lover’s Dictionary

    (via brokenly)

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